Learning to create for me
I love to help others in their creative endeavours.
But when it came to building something for myself, I couldn’t. I kept fixating on what other people would want from me, that I couldn’t pinpoint what I wanted from myself.
I had placed other people’s views above my own. I created content that people enjoyed reading but I didn’t enjoy making. It made me feel quite miserable about the creative journey.
Over the years, I took a step back from posting online and focused on learning what I want in my creative journey. I found that I loved writing and wanted to let that be the forefront of my creative expression.
Now that I’m starting to find my online voice again, I feel the weight of internalised judgement from people who were comfortable with me helping others at the expense of myself.
I can’t say those thoughts haven’t made me hesitate to return to a platform that I enjoyed creating on. But I’m learning to push past them.
Feel the fear and do it anyway, right?
Whatever I choose to commit to, there will be people who like it and people who don’t. If I let the people who don’t contribute so much to my creative expression, I don’t allow my creative self to shine for me and the people who like what I do.
I’m learning to put myself first, then help people afterwards.