choosing you
Choosing you feels weird. Especially as a people pleaser. It almost feels selfish to do things for you.
You fear that maybe you will go too far and be too selfish for your own good. Risk it. Even if that does happen, trust that you will find a way to bring yourself to a good middle point.
Choosing you comes with owning your mistakes even if you are fully aware you are making them. Sometimes it's better to fall short, than it is to make the right decision on paper that you don't align with.
We all hate it when people fake apologise to us after they did us wrong. Them apologising might be the "right" thing to do, but it means nothing if they don't align with that decision.
That's sorta how I feel about navigating life nowadays. Making the "right" decision needs to come with that decision alignment, otherwise it will always feel wrong.
How we feel about a decision plays a big role in how we conduct the decision to begin with. And to be honest, eventually we will step out of the 'good' or 'bad' decisions and realise that some decisions just are, decisions!
It really doesn't matter. To some people, ghosting someone you don't like is a bad decision. To others, it's a good decision. Ultimately it's a faulty way to assess things. It has us thinking about the perception of our decisions but not how we want to navigate them.
So, be immature. Block people if you want to. Say things that feel weird. Break the mould. Stop focusing so much on how you're perceived. For your sanity, it's better you feel better about your own autonomy, than it is for you to be in a place where you did everything right, but you feel wrong.
Decision quality will have you feeling bad in a good place. Decision alignment will have you feeling good in a better place.